i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
