It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
