When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
