I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
