I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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