I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
