We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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