ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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