Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
