Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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