Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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