She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
