i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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