Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
