Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
