Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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