i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
