I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
