Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
