is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
