Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize