you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
