I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
