"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
