He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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