I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
