Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
