so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
