Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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