I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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