She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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