my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize