well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
