I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
