He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dear god my vagina.
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