You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize