Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
