he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
