so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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