I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
