some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
