I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
