i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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