I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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