i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
How's work?
Spinning.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
