i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Randomize
