Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
