so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
