I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
