1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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