Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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