It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
