The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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