She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize