the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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