New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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