he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
