I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
