gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
false alarm, still single
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