when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
