quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
