I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
