maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
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