But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
