So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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