It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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