You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Semen is not good for contacts.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
