i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
